BEM - Day 17

Us

Day 17, Friday: A favorite photo of yourself and why

Photo by Matt Stanton Photography

This is one of our engagement photos. On first glance, it may seem strange that I chose such an unflattering picture of me, especially because it's from a day when we had two professional photographers following us around taking our pictures. But, it's so very us. Joel had been sticking his tongue out at me all day and somehow, our photographers NEVER caught him. I do it once and this is what we get. It just makes me so happy because being with Joel makes me giddy every day.

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BEM - Day 16

The Waiting is the Hardest Part

                                                  Day 16, Thursday: Something difficult about your "lot in life" and how you're working to overcome it

I usually think of "lot in life" as something I can't control. Right now, the reason for the "issues", if you want to call them that, were really started by me quitting my teaching job at the end of last school year. However, there was a plan, an idea, of how things would go last June 15 as we stood in the bus loop waving buh-bye to the kids for the summer.

At the point when my teaching job end, I was under the impression that I had gotten a full-time nanny position with a family with three kids. It fell through. I had not heard from the family for a bit of time, but I foolishly didn't try to get in touch because the job wasn't supposed to start until the end of July and I was busy doing silly things -- like getting married and going on my honeymoon! When we got back from the honeymoon, I finally called the mom who I thought I'd be nannying for. Left messages and never heard back, not even a "sorry, we've gone in another direction." Nothing.

I knew at this point that I was pregnant, which I knew would make things more difficult. I didn't think it would be completely impossible, though. I interviewed with multiple families and things went well with a few of them, only to fall through because I was pregnant.

It got to a point that we needed to make money somehow so I became a substitute in Chesterfield County. I also took a job at Kohl's. The job at Kohl's came to an abrupt end after an episode of fainting while on the register and several almost episodes of fainting. For the record, they didn't try to fire me or anything, I decided I should probably quit as the holiday season was quickly approaching and I had visions of hitting the ground on Black Friday while 20-some weeks pregnant, with a line of customers wrapped halfway around the store.

I also worked after school babysitting three days a week and we managed to squeak well enough with my random assortment of working.

Between Joel's doctor's appointments in the fall, Trina's doggie knee surgery, and my unexpected trips to Labor & Delivery for false labor and the resulting bed rest, there have been a lot of unpredicted expenses.

I've also discovered through subbing, that I'd really rather have my own classroom back and with everything that's gone on since that fateful day in June. My "last day of teaching". I'm really ready to get back into it.

If anything, apparently the statement "absence makes the heart grow fonder" is true of myself and teaching. While I was doing it, I kept thinking, "I just can't do this," now I realize, I was doing it. While going through college, almost every college professor told us that if we can just get through the first three years of teaching, it would get easier. I went and quit after two. I'm not usually one to quit when the going gets tough, but I did this time. Now I know why I usually stick it out with things, even if they seem tough. The alternative -- not having a steady job with benefits -- has actually been harder on us. Although it's tested us in our first year of marriage and made our relationship stronger, I don't want to struggle like this, especially when my actions set off the struggle.

So, I'm currently playing the waiting game. I've applied to Chesterfield, as well as surrounding counties, I've played out all my connections to get my name out there, and now I just have to wait. I remind myself that when I was hired the first time, it was about a week after school got out, so there is more than plenty of time. Being certified in middle school math and science means that in the teaching world, I'm in high demand so I'm fairly confident, but, as usual, the waiting is the hardest part.

In the meantime, getting the coaching job for this summer will help us get by until the next school year starts and until then, I just have to keep all my fingers and toes crossed that I will get rehired for a teaching position.

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BEM - Day 15

A Day in the Mama's Life

Day 15, Wednesday: A Day in the life (include photos from throughout your typical day - this could be "a photo an hour" if you'd like)

Our Day in the Life was recorded on Tuesday, May 14. Most weekdays are similar.

D still wakes up twice to be fed overnight. Trust me, you don't want pictures of mine and J's cranky middle-of-the-night faces, so no pictures of this! First time is sometimes before we go to bed, it's anywhere from 10 to 2:30, but usually it's close to 1:30, so it's the first thing on our "day in the life" since it's after midnight. Joel gets up with her the first feeding. Then she'll usually wake up between 4 and 5 and I get up that time.

Sometime between 7 and 10, we get out of bed. Having a baby has not altered my desire to sleep, my mommy body just hasn't adjusted to the desire to get up early, so this is dictated by when she gets up. And most mornings, when she cries and it hasn't been very long since her last feeding, I put her on my chest and we sleep longer. Judging by her immediately snuggling and falling back to sleep, I think she loves it as much as me. It's not a bad way to start the day.

 On this particular morning, she ended up completely horizontal, 

her legs weren't on me and most of her head was off me. 

I know her mouth was still on me because she tried to breastfeed through 

my shirt in her sleep. PS - I know this picture looks like some 

creeper took my picture in my sleep but really it's just a bad selfie.

When she starts to stir and fuss, we get up. I change her diaper and I talk to her, sing to her, do anything to keep her content and not crying because she's hungry and wants food NOW!

She eats and then I sit her, facing me, in my lap and take full advantage of her smiley time of day

and then I put her in her swing or laying on a blanket watching her "show" (this awesome app: Fisher Price B&W High Contrast) and I jump at her moments of quiet content to pee (it's a luxury these days!), eat breakfast, and throw her diapers in the wash.

She usually doesn't want to wait long between her first two bottles of the day, so sometimes she will take a brief nap, sometimes she insists on a bottle after a brief period of playing. On this morning, she took a fairly long-ish nap in her swing while I made this dessert, which I planned to take to a Mom's Night In yesterday evening.

Usually after her second bottle, she'll take a longer nap and most days I'll put her in her room for this nap. Unfortunately, today, she was having none of that sleeping-in-the-crib business, but as soon as i put her up on my shoulder she was out cold.

Today, Joel has an eye doctor appointment so we actually have somewhere we have to be. His appointment is at 2:30 and we need to go since driving yourself with eyes that are dilated is a little scary. This meant no shower for mommy today, by the time he got home and took baby girl from me, I had just enough time to throw clothes on and brush my teeth.

The eye doctor doesn't end up dilating Joel's eyes, so I didn't really need to be there after all. The eye doctor is less than 5 minutes from his grandparents' house so we decide to stop by. They live the closest of any of the great-grandparents but we hadn't been able to meet up until today.

We need formula so we take a quick trip to Target.

We grab Firehouse Subs on our way home since there's not too much time before I have to leave and daddy takes on bedtime on his own.

At 7 PM, I have swim team parents' meeting where I learn even more about the team I'll be coaching starting next week.


After my meeting, I planned on going to a Mom's Night In. Unfortunately, it's after 8 when I get in my car after the meeting, so I ditch that idea and head home.

It's about 8:15 and Joel is still trying to convince baby girl to go to sleep -- we start our bedtime routine with her bath at 7 and if she's ready, she's usually in her crib by about 7:35.

Once she finally decides to go to bed, it's closer to 8:45. While we should get things done (dishes, bottles, hanging out with the dogs) immediately after she goes to bed, we usually veg out on the couch first instead. Our goal every night is to get to bed by 10, but most nights we end up watching tv shows that we DVR'd the night before and when we see that it's 10, we say, "oh shoot, we haven't made bottles for tomorrow yet!" All said and done, we're in bed by about 11, and that's our day.

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BEM - Day 14

10 Things

Day 14, Tuesday: Ten things that make you really happy

1 - being this adorable baby's mommy

2 - being this man's wife

3 - these two mutts

4 - swimming, coaching swimming, talking about swimming

5 - Candy Crush (you didn't think the whole list was going to be so mushy and genuine, did you??)

6 - cooking/baking

7 - learning something new about something I'm passionate about

8 - friends that have become family

9 - Apple products

10 - summertime and all the things it brings (totally goes past ten items because it includes the warm weather, the beach, our anniversary, vacation, etc.)

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BEM - Day 13

Some Memories Just Don't Fade

Day 13, Monday: Issue a public apology.

I'm sorry that after 13 years of friendship you suddenly felt that I'd become such a horrible friend that the only solution was to mail me a letter to end our friendship. I'm sorry that after over a year, I still sometimes sit and wonder what I could have or would have done differently if I could. I'm sorry to say that I still can't come up with much of anything. I'm sorry that I wasn't allowed any sort of chance to talk about it with you and that you obviously didn't feel the need to fight for a friendship that had endured 13 years already. I'm sorry I spent those 13 years trying the way I did just to see it shatter without even understanding why.

I'm not sorry that you "dumping" me has caused me to recognize, appreciate, and deeply cherish, the true friendships that I do have. Those friends that don't question my motives, that understand me, and are even able to call me out and challenge me when necessary. Those friends who instead of running from a problem and leaving me forever wondering what I could have done to be a better friend and doubting my own ability to ever truly be a good friend, address any issues that do come up and try to fix them before giving up on me for good.

I'm sorry that after all that time, you couldn't recognize the love I did hold for you and that I did think our friendship was worth fighting for, but in this situation, it truly takes two, and I'm sorry you weren't willing to meet me in the middle.

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BEM - Day 12

 "The most important thing in life is your family. There are days you love them, and others you don't. But, in the end, they're the people you always come home to. Sometimes it's the family you're born into and sometimes it's the one you make for yourself."

Day 12, Sunday: What do you miss? (a person, a thing, a place, a time of your life...)

I miss my life in college. I want to grab my husband, baby, and two dogs and hop into my DeLorean and go back to 2008.

In 2008, I had my best friends literally living next door. My then-newlywed friends, Ted and Dana (I guess their 3 year old will have to fit in the DeLorean, too. This little car is getting tight!) lived in the residence hall right behind mine and Alie lived in the residence hall right up the hill. I'm fairly certain we saw each other every single day. We had dinner together, like a little makeshift family, at least once a week, usually multiple times a week.

Ted, Alie, and I worked as Hall Directors together and Dana had previously worked in residence life so we supported each other in both our personal lives and professional. I think we all look back and wonder how we made it through that year alive and I really think it's because we had each other.
Let me explain a little something. Many (I'd venture to say most) universities hire only professionals to be hall directors. A smaller number hire grad students and a very tiny number -- so small I have literally never heard of another school -- employ undergrad students as hall directors. Being a [good] hall director requires a lot of work. The school might classify it as part-time, but we spent a heck of a lot of time working. So when I say I look back and wonder how we made it, here's why:

- Alie was a full-time undergrad student, worked "part-time" at the archaeology lab, "part-time" as a hall director, and as an full-time awesome friend, who some days remembered to drink coffee. A lot. But not eat a proper meal until we reminded her and fed her at about 9 PM.
- Dana was employed as a middle school math teacher and had at least a half hour commute each way. It was her first year of teaching and marriage and she was living in a tiny hall director apartment barely big enough for one person, much less two, in a building with 200 freshmen college students. And still had time in between working and teacher bedtime to act as "Mama Dana" and take care of all of us.
- Ted was in grad school in his first year of JMU's Student Affairs program. At JMU this is a counseling-based program. Counseling-based programs/classes cause you to investigate yourself and your life so you can learn about yourself before learning to counsel others. I haven't been through it myself but apparently it's an extremely emotional thing to do. So Ted had to deal with that while working "part-time" as a hall director and doing the rest of grad school full-time and being a new husband and taking care of us, he was affectionately referred to as "Papa Ted" and would make Ted Specials (glorified grilled cheese) for us while watching The Daily Show, Frasier, and occasionally South Park whenever an episode would come on that he was convinced would win us all over and make us love the show like him.
- Then there was me. The self-proclaimed "least busy" of the four of us. Full-time education student, "part-time" hall director, and full-time wonderer of what I was going to do with my life post-college.

Our little make-shift, extremely busy family also always made time for each other. The amazing thing is that we no longer live that close and some of us don't live in the same state anymore, and yet we've found a way to continue our adventures. Alie has braved crazy-ass weather on multiple occasions to drive to GA to visit, I braved my fear of airplanes to surprise Dana at her baby shower, Dana flew up last year for a weekend trip for my bridal shower, we all rented a cabin in the middle of Tennessee last winter to spend a weekend playing games, exploring National Parks, and cooking for each other. And in the last year, we've made it such a priority to see each other that we haven't been apart for more than a few months at a time.

Starting last June, we were together for mine and Joel's wedding at the Outer Banks, in October we all returned to Harrisonburg where our friendship started, and in December Alie and I road tripped to GA to celebrate our now-annual Secret Santa gift exchange/New Year's/surprise baby shower brunch/my birthday. I will soon start counting down the days until we're together again because in about a month, Ted, Dana, and Jack will be making the journey from GA again to visit and meet baby D for the first time.

Although I miss that time in college, it's been an awesome journey learning how to continue to be a family while living farther away from each other.

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BEM - Day 11

Sounds like a Resume for Life

Day 11, Saturday: Sell yourself in 10 words or less

Tall sarcastic beginner mom aspiring to become a teacher again.

I figured I'd try to wrap up personal and professional life in my 10 words just so it was a well-rounded statement. And because this is the only prompt so far that I went "umm, can I just skip this one?"

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BEM - Day 10

 How EmbarASSing!

 Day 10, Friday: Most embarrassing moment (s). Spill. 

I'm clumsy, I regularly fall over things or say stupid things, but I also make it a habit to be able to laugh at myself. So it's hard for me to come up with a truly embarrassing moment. I also feel like the people I choose to surround myself with forgive me for doing/saying stupid things sometimes, therefore providing a cushion from truly feeling embarrassed.

If I dig deep, I'll find little moments like peeing my pants in the middle of silent writing time in 1st grade and tripping over a locker base in 10th grade during renovations in high school (although I'm still convinced my then-boyfriend steered me into it as he was holding my hand at the time and therefore got to play hero by catching me and not allowing me to face-plant in the middle of the hallway).

A somewhat more recent moment that comes to mind was a few years ago, we were at the beach for my brother's wedding so it was a big conglomeration of nearest and dearest. Apparently after a romp in the ocean, my bikini bottoms allowed a peak of my tattoo to be shown. My sister-in-law's sister (my sister-in-law-in-law?) said, "oh, Emily, I didn't know you got a tattoo!"

Unfortunately, my dad was also standing right there and I tried to deny the whole thing since my parents were unaware of the tattoo (and the one on the other hip bone -- whoops, if they read this, now they will know for sure - Hi Mom & Dad, love you!!!). My poor sister-in-law-in-law just looked so confused and then felt bad when I later explained why I shut her down so quick and refused to discuss my tattoo.

Not the tattoo in question..

Typically embarrassing moments tend to be more public and are embarrassing because there are lots of witnesses, but this moment was more embarrassing in the "oh crap, I disappointed my daddy and I'm a daddy's girl and it's my brother's wedding weekend and it's going to put a damper on things", which was silly because either I shut down the conversation so fast that my dad actually missed the whole conversation or he actually bought my denial of having the tattoo. Or, more than likely, he heard it and doesn't actually care that I have the tattoo. After all, the tattoo count is up to three now and my parents are well aware of the one on my back, which there have been moments of contention with my mother about, but no issues voiced by my dad.

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BEM - Day 9

Love Love Love

Day 9, Thursday: A moment in your day (this can be just a photo or both a photo and words)

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BEM - Day 8

Don't Do Dumb Things

Day 8, Wednesday: A piece of advice you have for others. Anything at all.

My piece of advice goes along with my "what makes you uncomfortable" post from day 2.

It is twofold. The first part is, when you see a pregnant woman, don't say anything unless she is clearly, obviously, no doubt in your mind pregnant. Like at the point of pregnancy where it might be confirmed by her water breaking right then and there. Otherwise, if she is a complete stranger and you don't usually talk to strangers, just smile and keep walking. I don't know why people think pregnant ladies want people coming up to them and asking them personal questions and then launching into how hard their life is about to get. I also cannot even fathom someone walking up to me and assuming I'm pregnant when I'm not, I can't imagine that's very nice for the self-esteem.

This is at 30-some weeks. I'm pregnant or stealing a cantaloupe, at this point, 

a stranger is probably ok assuming pregnant.

The second part is if you're going to start talking to a mom (or dad) about their beautiful new baby, if you're not sure if the beautiful baby is a boy or girl, don't assume. Just say, "oh, what a beautiful baby!" If mom (or dad) then feels like engaging you in conversation, listen carefully because new parents will most likely name drop or at least give you a telling pronoun so you don't call their bouncing baby boy a pretty little lady or vice versa. Next, unless they say to you, "please give me parenting advice because I'm SURE you have been hired by Costco/Target/Subway to be their resident parenting expert!!", don't give advice, don't ask how breast feeding is going, and for the love of god, don't ask (especially with a big smirk on your face),  how they're sleeping. Asking a new parent how they're sleeping is giving them permission to slap you, so don't press charges for doing something stupid because you've done something to warrant it!** And you better hope the judge that hears your case isn't a parent or you'll most certainly lose your case.

"Yes, please tell my parents how cute I am and how much hair I have!"

** yes, this is tongue in cheek, I don't condone violence and no matter how many times a stranger said something other than how beautiful I looked while pregnant or how many times my daughter dressed head to toe in pink with a big ol' bow on her head was called a he, I keep a smile on my face and only say mean things when they walk away!

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